"the Wall...or a wall"

October 8, 2006…

Namaste, mero nam Jason ho. Hulak ghar kaha cha? Masaga euta guitar ra das rupiya cha! (Hello, my name is Jason. Where is the post office? I have a guitar and ten rupees!)
…And that is the extent of my Nepali language. Actually, I have been studying 4-5 times a week and I am starting to pick it up a little. Rina is starting to talk to us more in Nepali, and less in English, which has helped (not that we understand it either, but she teaches us as we go). I am building my confidence to speak to people in the city.

Key Phrase that we use frequently: Mito Cha!...which means…uuuumm, this is good! Regardless of what we think about dinner, we just smile and repeat this phrase.

…I think the weeks get a little harder and harder. The kids have been here in the orphanage all day for the last two weeks. Most of the kids (with the exception of the older ones) will also be out of school for the next two weeks. With the September Nepali festivals, the kids are out of school for a whole month.
There is not a lot to do here in the orphanage, and, as a result, we really have had to be creative with our time. Lots of reading…LOTS!!!
With the kids here all day, I have started to get slightly frustrated as there is never a time that I can just be by myself. I would say that is the one disadvantage of living “in” the orphanage. When a child comes in our room, it is hard to tell them that I need “alone time.” And, as A.D.D.ish that I am, I need to be alone in a room that I can read in, pray out loud, think, and listen for His voice just to be able to focus. So that is a challenge! I spend each day with Him, but, as I mentioned, it is a challenge to stay focused. Today, I hiked up to a nearby mountain. It was only about a 20 minute walk to the top, which overlooks all of Kathmandu. It was neat to be able to take some time and pray with hardly any distractions—just me, God, and the chirping birds. It was very calm and peaceful, and much needed!

I have been reading from John Piper’s “When I Don’t Desire God: How to fight for joy.” I also have John Piper’s podcast, Desiring God Radio, and he devotes 10, twenty-five minute sections with a biblical approach to “why we don’t desire God some times.” If you have not got either of these tools, you need to check them out. They are great for your journey with God. In both, I have learned how to fight for joy even when I just don’t sense that He is near.

David says, in Psalm 43, “Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.”

Even when David is down, He knows that God is going to reveal himself. As you see, he gives his soul a little pep talk. “Don’t be down, soul. Come on, hope in God.” He doesn’t give up and give in to Satan, but he trusts that though He doesn’t sense God now, he will. He is fighting for his joy in God.
…Many times I become frustrated because I don’t “feel” (a soft word that I am starting to hate using in my description of my spiritual life) God’s presence. But, my approach should be like David’s, not allowing myself to dwell on the current state, but to hope in God—to wait for Him. Satan’s attacks haven’t made it any easier though…

…I knew with the decision to move overseas that Satan was going to attack me somehow. I didn’t know where it would come from. Before I left—the night before—the sunroof in my car that I am trying to sell, shattered. Six hundred and fifty dollars out the window; no pun intended!!! However, I did have a generous giver who picked up the whole bill. Praise God! On the third day that I was here I had $60 stolen out of my room. The suspect: A 5 yr. old little boy who roams in and out of our room at 5:30 in the morning while we sleep. He is quite known to pick up things that he likes and put them in his pocket. Other things from other volunteers have disappeared including a cell phone, money, and an alarm clock—and all from the young and brilliant boy. Last week, my camera disappeared. You know, the one that I was using to post those really nice pictures of the children and country of Nepal onto my blog. Well, I managed to get a few photos for posting in the future from another volunteer, but I still have no camera. There have been other incidents where things in my room are moved, and for me it is quite frustrating. But, I am learning to let go of the tight grip that I have on things that I possess. Here I am with all my gadgets and stuff, and I get uptight when I am missing something of mine. In the meantime, the Nepali children have nothing and are always content. Man, I have a lot to learn. All of these attacks have been against my “material” possessions. I have struggled to give up control in this area. It has been hard, but good.

So, there you are, sitting there wondering if this story gets any better. Good news…It might!

Through the really hard times, God has been working. As you might have guessed, the children here have been really open to us. They are eager to play at all times of the day. As mentioned before, God has placed a few older guys on my heart. We have been having fun with these guys and just learning about their life. Recently, Jordan and I have had great conversations with a man named Rajesh (pronounced Ra-jees). He is very smart in his studies of science, and as a result, he wants proof that the Bible is true, that God created the universe, and that God and Jesus exist. He is unsure if he should follow science, Christianity, or Hinduism. It was easy to become frustrated after our conversation, but God has brought me back to the truth that no matter what I say or do, I am not the one who can change his heart. It is Him, the God of this universe! Because of God’s power and sovereignty, and my inadequacy, I am encouraged more to fall on my knees and pray for Rajesh’s salvation. It is somewhat freeing, but I soon realize that I have no control over his heart, and I don’t like that. I want to somehow believe that I can “win Rajesh to the LORD” by my persuasive and highly convincing words. But, I MUST give up control. It brings me back to the Campus Crusade for Christ definition of evangelism: presenting the message of Christ, in the power of the Holy Spirit, and leaving the results up to God.

Jordan and I have been talking about starting a Bible study with the 5-6 older guys that live here. You can pray for these guys, as well as Jordan and I as we seek direction. Please Pray for Nabin (Na-been), Rajesh (Ra-jees), Umesh (oo-mess), Brarendra, and Cesan (see-zon).

The spiritual climate of the orphanage is somewhat unknown. In my impression, the kids are exposed to the Bible via church and the orphanage, but I am not sure that they have trusted Christ with their life and made Him their Savior. With the Hindu culture and customs, many Nepalis who call themselves Christians still believe in some of the Hindu gods and follow Hindu tradition. I don’t think they believe John 14:6, which says that Jesus is “the way, the truth, and the life.” One man here confessed that Christianity makes him feel comfortable, and it gives him a good feeling when he prays, yet everyone should be able to worship whatever/whomever they want. He also holds to the worship of Hindu gods. Absolute truth…GONE!!! So we are caught somewhere in between wanting to present the truth that Jesus is the only way, and not wanting to be “those guys that came to tell us what is wrong about our religious culture.” I want every child to at least hear and know that Jesus Christ is the only way. Pray that hearts will be open.

So that about wraps up today’s topic “the Wall.”
I love the emails that you send. They keep me connected to the world I used to know. Keep ‘em comin’!

Miss you all more than you know!
Jason

PS> I am still waiting on the Quarter Pounder with Cheese meal. Has anyone sent that yet?